At VOYCE, the weeks after any traditional family holiday are some of our busiest times. Families visit aging loved ones and often notice changes that weren’t obvious before—a little more frailty and confusion. During these times, families realize it might be time to have some tough conversations.
Melody Fox, co-host of the We’re At The Age podcast, put it perfectly. We’re at the age to have tough conversations, whether it’s who’s going to be managing medication, when it’s time to give up the car keys, or when to make a move—those really difficult questions.
In the latest episode, Melody and Marjorie sit down with Melanie Maynor from Aging Gracefully. They discuss approaching these tough talks and how geriatric care managers can make the process easier.
A Helping Hand When Crisis Hits
Melanie, a geriatric care manager, shares that about 85% of her calls come when families are already in crisis. It might be a fall, a sudden illness, or a visit that reveals how much support a loved one needs. As she says, it’s easy to sound pretty good over the phone but not look as good as you sound.
Families are often overwhelmed, and the stress can strain relationships. That’s where care managers come in—helping families develop plans, guiding them through difficult decisions, and, most importantly, allowing family members to be just that—family. Melanie explains that hopefully they’re freeing you up to have regular conversations with your parents or your loved ones so that every conversation isn’t about the care.
The Value of Outside Help
Caregiving can feel like being in the middle of a storm, especially when everyone has an opinion on how things should be handled. That’s why involving an expert can make all the difference. Having somebody start those tough conversations is what a geriatric care manager does. They are not going to be sitting there at Thanksgiving. You can be upset with them because they’re not your daughter.
Marjorie Moore, co-host of We’re At The Age, acknowledges the guilt that caregivers often feel: when we have a loved one who’s in a situation where they need more help, we want everything to be right immediately… But that’s not reality for most of us, and that’s the thing a lot of caregivers beat themselves up with. She also reminds listeners about the mental load that caregiving places on families: when you’re thinking about the cost… financially, it might be a little on the higher side for some families. However, you’re talking about taking away a significant mental load from people who, again, are in the sandwich generation.
Taking the First Step in Having a Tough Conversation
One of Melanie’s most valuable points is about being intentional with aging: we have to make some intentional choices, like having our legal paperwork in place, looking at our finances, and knowing what we can afford. It’s making all those preemptive choices to set ourselves up to be ready for the things that come. Whether it’s preparing to give up the car keys or deciding between staying at home versus moving, the key is to plan ahead.
Finding Your Support
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to start, consider contacting a geriatric care manager. They can help navigate the maze of aging-related decisions and give you back the mental space to just be present with your loved ones.
And if you’re not sure whether a care manager is right for you, Melanie says it’s always worth a conversation: feel free to call and say, here’s our scenario, and we’ll say care management—this is how we could help you. Or, if you really don’t need me, but you need XYZ, let me give you that phone number.
Want to hear more from this insightful conversation? Listen to the full episode of We’re At The Age with Melody Fox and Marjorie Moore at VOYCEstl.org/podcasts.
Let’s start the conversation on aging—together.