Talking about death is often an uncomfortable, even taboo, topic. But what if we approached it differently? What if, instead of avoiding it, we embraced the conversation in a way that was open, honest, and—even fun? That’s exactly what one of our staff members and podcast hosts, Melody Fox, did when she invited her family to a “Death Party.”
A Death Party is a gathering where loved ones come together to discuss end-of-life plans in a comfortable and supportive setting. It removes the stigma around these conversations, making it easier for families to express their wishes, document important decisions, and ensure that everyone is on the same page. At VOYCE, we believe that discussing aging and end-of-life choices is essential for maintaining dignity and reducing stress for families.
As Melody said, “Making these decisions is a gift to your loved ones. The only thing we should be doing on the worst day of our lives is crying into our casserole at your funeral.” A Death Party helps families do just that—while also enjoying themed snacks and decorations to keep the mood light.
Why Host a Death Party?
It may seem strange at first, but planning for the inevitable is one of the greatest gifts you can give your loved ones. Too often, families make difficult medical, financial, and funeral decisions during times of immense grief. Without clear direction, these decisions can lead to confusion, conflict, and even regret.
By taking the time to talk openly, you:
- Ensure your wishes are respected – Whether it’s your preferences for medical care, burial or cremation, or the type of service you want, expressing your wishes in advance removes uncertainty for your family.
- Ease the burden on loved ones – When plans are in place, your family won’t be left scrambling to make hard choices in a crisis.
- Normalize discussions about death – Talking about the end of life doesn’t have to be grim. It’s part of the human experience, and embracing it can make the future feel less scary for everyone.
- Provide legal and financial clarity – Organize your will, power of attorney, and other important documents to ensure your loved ones handle your assets according to your wishes.
For Melody’s family, the conversation was a blessing. “We learned things about each other that we didn’t know. We laughed, we cried. It was honestly a really great experience, and I would highly recommend it to anybody.”
How to Throw a Death Party
1. Set the Tone
A Death Party should feel welcoming and engaging, not somber or depressing. Use humor and creativity to make it a relaxed environment. Some fun ways to lighten the mood include:
- Decorations: Halloween-themed décor, skulls, or black table settings can add a fun, lighthearted touch.
- Themed Snacks: Create a “graveyard” guacamole dip, “dirt” brownies, or a charcuterie board with quirky labels like “Rest in Peas.”
- Get a Playlist: Find upbeat songs that reference death. Maybe start with Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear the Reaper” or “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen.
- Dress Code: Encourage guests to wear black or “funeral chic” attire to lean into the theme.
For Melody’s family, which included young children, making sure it was fun was key to making talking about death approachable. “We don’t want our kids to be scared of it. So I think it’s cool for them to see us having these conversations in a very normalized way.”
2. Plan the Discussion
While the party should be fun, the purpose is serious. Guide the conversation to cover key topics. Beforehand, create a list of discussion points, such as:
- Wills and trusts – Do you have a will? If so, is it up to date? Do you need to set up a trust to protect assets?
- Power of attorney – Who will make medical and financial decisions for you if you become incapacitated?
- End-of-life medical preferences – Do you want to be resuscitated? What are your wishes regarding life support?
- Funeral or memorial preferences – Burial, cremation, or something else? Do you want a formal service, a celebration of life, or no service at all?
- Financial matters – Who has access to bank accounts, insurance policies, and retirement funds? Where is important paperwork stored?
- Care of others– Who has been named the children’s legal guardians? Are there older adults or family members with disabilities that care arrangements need to be made for?
Making sure that those who are most important to you are aware of what you want and what you already have planned is the point of the Death Party. There are no surprises or fights down the line about what someone would have wanted. “My mom has said for years, ‘Just do whatever works for you guys.’ But I had to encourage them that making these decisions now is a gift to us,” said Melody.
3. Make It Interactive
To keep people engaged, consider asking attendees to create their own mini-presentations or lists of their wishes. A PowerPoint, a checklist, or even a simple discussion guide can help everyone feel prepared.
You can also provide:
- Printed power of attorney forms for family members to fill out
- Notebooks or “In Case of Death” planners to record important details
- Access to online resources like VOYCE’s guides on end-of-life planning
4. Involve the Whole Family
Conversations about death and planning aren’t just for older adults. Everyone, regardless of age, can benefit from having a plan in place. Involving younger family members also helps normalize these discussions for future generations.
For families with children, consider explaining things in an age-appropriate way. Let them participate by sharing their thoughts or helping with decorations and food. By making death planning a natural part of life, you help remove fear and uncertainty from the topic. VOYCE’s Executive Director Marjorie Moore said in VOYCE’s recent podcast about Death Parties, “Even if the kids don’t fully understand now, they will have to deal with this at some point. Normalizing these conversations makes those experiences so much better in the long run.”
The Impact of Talking to Your Family
Melody’s family left their Death Party with a new sense of peace. “We all feel so much more at peace. We all feel better. My parents realized they had the most work to do. They were like, ‘We have a will from 1992… we’ve really got to get some things together.’”
While the conversation wasn’t always easy, everyone felt empowered knowing they had taken steps to make things easier for their loved ones in the future. Her parents realized they needed to update their decades-old will, her brother learned about power of attorney for the first time, and everyone walked away feeling more in control of their future.
That’s what these conversations are all about—ensuring that when the time comes, your loved ones aren’t left guessing.
Ready to Host Your Own Death Party?
VOYCE is here to help. We offer resources on wills, power of attorney, elder justice, and more. Watch for an upcoming podcast on wills and trusts.
Let’s start the conversation—one party at a time.
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